January 14, 2008
Jack had his 9 month check up a couple of weeks ago, and as a result of that visit a lot of things have changed! Jack had actually lost weight, and was about a pound and a half behind where he needed to be. (Granted he had been sick and was teething, but still.) Because of this our Doctor recommended putting him on Pediasure and continuing breastfeeding if he would take it. So we started giving him Pediasure 3 feedings a day and then, once he'd had that I would try to breastfeed. Well Jack would NOT breastfeed AT ALL!
I think what cause all of it was that my milk supply was getting low and he wasn't getting enough, thus the weight loss, and then once he ate all of the Pediasure and was full and satisfied he didn't want to deal with nursing. So Jack pretty much weaned himself and now he's 100% Pediasure in a bottle plus baby food and finger food and some table food.
All that to say I have had a hard time accepting this big change that came so suddenly. It's odd and sad that I didn't really realize how important and special breastfeeding was to me until it was over. Though I'm not as tied down now--Brian can feed him too!--and it's so much easier to go places--no more bringing a cooler bag and having to warm up a bottle, or finding somewhere to nurse--I really do miss the closeness and bond of having my baby boy depend on me so much. Breastfeeding was such a wonderful experience for me, and I'm so glad that I did it!
Brian and I have talked about all of this several times lately and we're both coming to realize that our little Jack is not going to be a little baby forever--he's really not one now. And that he is going to grow up. This is just one if the many many many steps that force us to let go of something a little bit. Wow is it hard! (Yes, I am tearing up right now.) :) Who knew this being a parent thing was so hard?